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Kul i jul

My friend Tomas Tranströmer won the Nobel Prize!

Free at last

Humankind (well) can only be free when everyone realizes that everyone else is the same! We are all the same! (might happen. In a trillion years.)
How about this then? It is one world! You will give me right in this? We live in one world. The climate change affects all of it! (think on for yourselves. Meditate on "One world".)
We have one advantage over Moses, Buddha, Jesus and Mohammed. And that is? We have an over-view over the world! (a bit difficult without aeroplanes, satellites, TV. None of these had for example been in the USA!) (and none came even CLOSE to Sweden.)

A new species

Now I know. We belong to the species Homo Non-sapiens! No, Homo Lunatica. No, Homo Alienaticus. No, Homo - why are women not included? We can´t very well be Homo something can we? ("homo" means "man" in Latin. Even "hu-man" is based on man.)
Hu-man-ity. Hu-man-kind. Hebrew "isha" (woman) comes from "ish" (man.) But think of it. Who gives birth to who?

Division

Of course if the world wants to stay in this division, let it. Divide people into 2 categories, by all means. Think of humanity as "we" and "them" for ever. We are all not belonging to the species Homo Sapiens anyway! (oh no oh no. Some of us are Martians.)

We, the aliens

I no longer find any meaning in working with this blog. Only "normals" read it anyway. And they draw the conclusion I am NOT. (even psychiatric "advocates" seem to have fallen for this "they are different"-thing. Psych-apartheid is wide-spread and predominant.)
The nut cases who DO read this are not being listened to anyway. Back to ghetto life then! ( I don´t feel a longing for "normal" life anyway. I don´t want to be among them. Just like I don´t want to be among "Aryans".)

Slut

Nej det är ingen idé. Ändå ingen som tror mig. (min terapeut går fri. Och jag får ingen upprättelse. Eller hjälp.) (värst är talsvårigheterna. Som han framkallade. För 10 år sen. Men som ingen har brytt sig om.)
Återstår: eremitlivet! (eller ta livet av sig.) (min terapeut är Gud. Ingen kommer åt honom.) (gör inga fel. Helgon.)
Men om han är så jävla bra varför sitter jag då här?? Dumpad på detta gruppboende för psykiskt funktionshindrade??? Innan terapin hade jag ett eget hem!!! (samt kunde tala normalt.)
Hälsningar från en osynlig som inte orkar mer.

Tack

Tack Sture för att du gav mig mod att berätta min historia! (åtminstone början.) Den kära gamla Margit förde oss samman! (haha.)

Talande journal

Jag tror det är O.K. att lägga ut denna journalanteckning. När jag blivit släpad av polisen (nä dom var jättehyggliga) till psyket hände detta. En kväkare jag kände jobbade extra som läkare. (till på köpet på Långfredagen.) Vi bara stirrade på varann. (och försökte dölja att vi var bekanta.) Och som ni ser. Han släppte ut mig. Utan åtgärd! (bara med en välbehövlig sömntablett.) (ja vad han skrev om min terapeut ser ni. Inget bestämt. Men läs mellan raderna.) (hoppas han står ut med detta offentliggörande. Det är ju ändå rätt "objektivt" skrivet.) (vi är inte kompisar. Umgås inte privat. Har inte träffats sen dess.) (klicka på bilden så förstoras den.)

The truth

Jag tänker förstås: sanningen kommer alltid fram till slut! (den ska inte bara göra oss fria. Den är också starkast.)

Hopplöst fall

Min terapeut är maximalt skyddad. (känt namn. Oförvitlig.) Jag löpte dessutom risken att han skulle försöka få mig inlagd på psyket. Hur våga ifrågasätta honom? (i min psykiatriska journal står det att dom avfärdat honom. När han ringde.) (halleluja. Ge dom medalj.) Mitt självmord har jag (hittills) skjutit upp! (jag var så rädd för honom att jag trodde han var seriemördare. En grej som verkligen blev märklig när det framkom att Margit Norell även varit inkopplad på Thomas Quick.)
Vad han heter kan jag inte säga. (då stämmer han mig väl. Och säger att min berättelse om terapin bara är mina sjuka fantasier.) Men jag kan säga att Thomas Blomgren mördades på hans 19-årsdag! (även Boris Larsson i Viken dog på detta datum. På sin födelsedag. I en mystisk gasolycka i sitt växthus för 2 år sen.) (obs kan vara en slump.) Jag trodde t.o.m att han stått modell för Martin Vanger! (och Stieg lät Lisbeth Salander bo i huset bredvid min dåvarande bostad. Hade han snappat upp min historia?)
Vad som HAR hänt är det min terapeut gjorde i terapirummet. (ja plus den gången vi hade terapi hemma på min säng.) Kunde Gud komma ner och vittna - - - (suck. Ibland önskar man att detta kunde hända. Man sa "God is my witness!") (och så blev han det.)

Upprättelse

Jag är verkligen glad för Thomas Quicks alias Sture Bergwalls skull. Inte mördat en kotte! (jag följde hans gamla blogg. Och följer nu den nya.) Sture. Du ville ju bli präst. Och det har du väl också blivit! (på nåt sätt.) (Guds avsikt med oss vet vi inte. Vi kan vilja åt ett håll. Men han kan ha bestämt nåt annat.)
Hoppas att nån en dag tror på MIG. När jag berättar om MIN terapi. (den skedde dock utan nån som helst insyn. Så brukar det vara.) (hans terapeut hette Margit Norell. Ringde nån liten klocka?)

A voice that crieth in the wilderness

Lift up
thy voice
with strength
lift it up
be not afraid!

Kathleen Ferrier - Handel - Messiah - O Thou That Tellest

How about us advocates getting up into the high mountains? And tell the good tidings? Psychiatry (or anyone else) can´t kill our souls!

Kathleen Ferrier - Handel - Messiah - He Was Despised 1952

Any wonder schizophrenics identify with Christ? (always interpreted as "megalomania".)

Impossible situation

And how do you explain love to heartless persons? (like explaining colours to a colour-blind.) (I don´t believe there are hopeless cases. Even heartless social workers will come to life some day.) (in a 1000 years or so.)

I dödens väntrum

Ni som är insatta i litteratur känner igen denna titel. Det var en roman av Sven Stolpe. (mannen med tordönsrösten trots sin halva lunga.) Den handlar om livet på ett sanatorium. Där fullt med TBC-sjuka satt och inväntade döden! (några överlevde. T.ex Stolpe.)
Och så känns det här. På detta gruppboende för psykiskt funktionshindrade. ("Psykiatriboende" kallar cheferna det för. Fast det har noll med psykiatri att göra.) Här bor vi hopplösa fall. Vi förvaras här. Och har bara döden att se fram emot! (känns som att bo på Nordpolen. Man fryser in i märgen. Väldigt kärlekslösa atmosfärer brukar ge frostskador.)

Who wants it anyway?

An old Beatles-song comes to mind. (sung by Peter and Gordon.) "I don´t care what they say, I won´t live in a world without love!" (we youngsters couldn´t have agreed more.)

A world without love

So what does lovelessness lead to? What is the only thing it has ever lead to? (I need say no more. If you have a HEART you´ll understand.)

Nightmare

I have been forced to experience how it is when people think one is schizophrenic. (which I am not. But social workers thought so. And ordinary people.) It is much worse than I could ever had imagined. It is a continous nightmare. Like living in the Northpole. Freezing cold! (the social workers who are heads of this half-way house said to me themselves that LOVE doesn´t come into the picture. They just do a JOB. Which they are paid for. Love is for nuns and the like.)

Human beings?

Comments to this clip. The contact gets better? But what kind of contact? With no feelings? (if you´ve tried talking with a drunk person you will have found this diffcult too.)
Care and understanding? Yes but only if you find us human. And not some sort of Martians! (my main message to the world. Every psychiatric patient is a PERSON. Just like everybody else.)

Schizophrenia—Critique of Medication & Big Pharma

Great film!

Tomas Tranströmer - Schubertiana

His English is good too!

The Poet

A really nice photo of Tranströmer!

Nice pen pal

You think my English is good? Dame Judi thought so too!

Wise man

He was one of the persons in Jan Troell´s film "Sagolandet." (The Fairytale country.) I photographed this from my TV set! "In such a society everyone would think their own thoughts."

Nice letter

Every now and then someone comes along who SEES one. (I never met this man. But I have read all of his books.)

The social joke

Since when could social worker lead and manage psychiatry? Since never! (in case my readers shouldn´t know: it´s the job of psychiatrists. Medical doctors and psychologists. Get it??)

Invisible

So what´s the problem? The problem is my cure hasn´t been acknowleged by the Swedish society. People don´t want to know! (also they think I have a heavy diagnosis. Which is the reason I´m stuck in this nightmarish municipality "psychiatry". Bossed around by social workers. Who know nothing at all.)

Cured

I DID get cured from my anxiety attacks. (and agoraphobia.) In Stockholm in 2002. And psychiatry acknowledged this! (this is from my psychiatric file.) (click on all images for larger versions.)

Fine psychiatrist

This very nice psychiatrist (who was later to become famous) also fixed it so that I could get my first therapy for free. Paid by the state! (this is his letter of encouragement. Where he wishes me luck with my therapy and with my life and future.)

Stigmatized

I have to mention my own case. This was my diagnosis. Put by my psychiatric hospital. It´s Latin for anxiety neurosis. (they don´t use the term "neurosis" anymore. It has become out of fashion.) I had a lot of anxiety! (not the first one. Or the only one. Anxiety is part of the human lot. Only machines and God do not have it.)

Me

I´m kind of more cheerful than Lisbeth! (plus nearly 6 feet tall and weigh about 160 pounds.)

Lisbeth´s neighbour

Stieg Larsson let Lisbeth live in the house next to mine! (postcard from Tomas Tranströmer.)

Lisbeth Salander

Lisbeth Salander triumphed. (was listened to.) But I didn´t! (not yet.)

Man måste leva på hoppet

His daughter Ann-Marie (my mum) was one of the founders of the Green Party (Miljöpartiet) in Sweden! (photographed by me in 1968.) (click to see a larger version.)

Against dictatorship

P O had already published (in 1936) the book "Parliamentarism in Europe" (in Swedish.) Which was also a pamphlet against all nazism and fascism! (he didn´t like communism either.)

Defender 2

And so would my grandfather P O von Törne, professor of history at the Åbo (Turkku) Academy. My great role model when it comes to historic research! (died in 1940. Didn´t live to see the peace.)

A difficult peace

En svår fred 1944 | Arkivet | svenska.yle.fi
My grandmother´s brother Ernst von Born (judge and minister of justice) would have defended me! (click on the link.) He led the peace negotiations with the USSR in Sept of 1944. Here is his radio speech afterwards!

Human being

Are mental patients human beings? To judge by the way we are treated this is not the view. We are the exception. Even from the UN declaration of Human Rights!
Article 1: All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights.
"All human beings". How do you interpret that? Is "all" 100%? Or just 99%? Does it mean "everyone but mental patients"?

Once upon a time 3

My pa painted on our house! (photographed by me.)

Once upon a time 2

My ma was relaxing in our garden! (photographed by me.)

Once upon a time

This is from when I had a life! (15 y.o. Exam at my school.)

The world and my room is one

Enjoy this Matisse!

Paul Wittgenstein plays Maurice Ravel: Piano Concerto for the Left Hand ...

Look Tomas. The left-armed pianist Paul Wittgenstein! (very rare footage. The only one I´ve seen.)

Dinu Lipatti-Bach Cant.No147 Herz und Mund und Tat und Leben

Best piano recording ever made. By the greatest pianist ever.

Meeting on the Beach

Romantic painting by Gunnar Berndtson! (1854-95.)

In the Streets of Sweden

In Sweden we have bipolar bears! :)

Happy child

Noone can rob me of my child-hood! (I sit with my mum. And wave at my dad.)

Bow to power

Who is worth listening to?

What did Jesus mean when he said his kingdom was "not of this world"? I suggest he meant this world of status, position, wealth and posh titles. Did HE have a title? (none whatsoever.) He was rich? (nope.) A position in society? (haha.) He was a nobody? A loser? (yep. At least that´s what THEY thought.)
So. Perhaps best not to wave away nobodies? Not to bow to wealth, position and power? Not to crawl in the dust before someone with a posh title?

Kick the ball

Played any soccer yet?

Another smash hit

Eh?

Really beautiful tune

I´m better at this! (my own composition.)

The country girl (the sequel)

Here I pretend to be a country-singer again!

The country girl

I improvised this today! (inspired by the Pippi Longstocking of country Naomi Judd.)

Larger than life

Freud had a special expression for people who refuse to realize they are ordinary human beings. He called them "grandiose". Those persons tend to see themselves above any sort of criticism. They are perfect. They have no faults. My reponse to them? Congratulations. You have managed to become God! (if you scrutinize them you will find they have LESS self-esteem than the humble ones. The God impersonation is just a way to avoid looking like total losers.)

We

I am reading "The Gift of Therapy" by Irvin D Yalom. I like it because he doesn´t try to look like The Holy Therapist. (people mostly think therapists are Models of Sanity. Not bothered by problems like us mere mortals.) He says in one chapter that his therapist (yes my dears, even therapists have to undergo therapy) once said (when he was accusing himself for being greedy and selfish) "That´s how we are." (and she didn´t of course mean "You and me scoundrels".)
We. Did anyone see this? Did you think about it? That we are all in the same boat? There are not 2 species. But one. (unless you are a dog or a cat. But then you won´t be reading this blog.) Homo sapiens!

Dream House

And what do I intend to do for the damage? (skadestånd.) Buy this cottage!

Psychiatric backlash

I have now sued my municipality (community.) For having forced their "psychiatry" on me! (it´s against the law. I only recently discovered this. One must APPLY for it.) I´ve struggled like an idiot to get free from this "psychiatry". (which isn´t even worth CALLING psychiatry.) I was NEVER - during 35 years - forcibly incarcerated by the REAL psychiatry. (they never do this with people just suffering from ordinary panic anxiety.) Plus I was deemed CURED by them. Something which my municipalities (here and in Stockholm) refused to acknowledge! (here they didn´t even contact them. Social workers thought they could do a psychiatric evaluation all on their own!)

This is the worst psychiaric backlash during my lifetime. I have to tell the UN about it. Social workers have been permitted to take over psychiatry in Sweden! (at least part of it. 30.000-40.000 patients are probably affected.)

Not daffodils

Well I prefer sun flowers! (it´s called poetic licence.)

The Daffodils

I wandered lonely as a cloud
that floats on high over vales and hills
when all at once I saw a crowd
a host of golden daffodils
beside the lake
beneath the trees
dancing and fluttering in the breeze.

I gazed and gazed
and little thought.
A poet could not but be gay
in such a jocund company!

For oft when on my couch I lie
in vacant or in pensive mood
my thoughts want to this image fly
which is the bliss of solitude.

(I bet I quoted some of it wrong.
I memorized it back in 1967.)

Nice poem, William!
Greetings from your sister Dotty :)

Sane

What qualities are never regarded as symtoms of insanity?

Greed.
Selfishness.
Lust for power.
Hard-heartedness.

And why? Because the people who JUDGE us and put our diagnosis have them all!

Someone to turn to

Who doesn´t agree that I´m trash? God! (he never creates trash. In his eyes not a single human being is trash.)
Why do nut cases often identify with Jesus? Because he, too, was scorned, despised, rejected. By judges who definitely were NOT right.

Trash

You saw that person? (me.) Did you see that she is trash? No? But she is in the eyes of society. A worthless piece of trash! (even my sisters think so.) And why? (you know why. People think I´m a nut case. No use protesting. It´s as little use as it would have been for the Jews to protest in nazi-Germany.)

Credo

I think everybody in this world wants to be loved. Don´t you? (even baby Adolf. The adorable infant I adopted.)

Crucial decision

The next question is of course: how do you want to get healed? With love? Or with violence? (the word "psychiatry" means "soul-healing".)

Future

So. What world do you want? One ruled by weapons (violence) or one ruled by mental power?

The real issue

Who decides who is sane and who is not? People in power. And what determines people in power? Weapons!

Sanity?

It was sane to create this? It is sane to have created enough atom bombs to blow the whole planet up? (we´re all in this together. No point in single out SOME. And say THEY are the problem.) (generally psychiatric patients have no power whatsoever. You won´t see one of THEM pressing the button that causes WW III.)

Famous psychiatrists

Face 1: Ernst Rudin. (1874-1952.) Eugenicist and one of Hitler´s favourites.
Face 2: Frieda Fromm-Reichmann. (1889-1957.) Jewish psychotherapist (once married to Erich Fromm), immortalized as "Doctor Fried" in Hannah Greens (Joanne Greenberg´s) "I Never Promised You a Rose Garden". (had to flee from Germany in the 30-ies.)

Face 2

You would prefer this? (I bet.) (I´ll tell you later who these 2 were.)

Not my favourite face

You want to be treated by this psychiatrist? (I thought not.)

Faces

It strikes you that these patients all had warm loving facial expressions? While the "experts" on them did not?

A teenage idol

Don´t misunderstand. I don´t hate the Kennedys. I cried my heart out when I heard that Bobby had been murdered. We teenagers believed in him! (when JFK was murdered I was too young. Not into politics yet.)

Superstition rules

Well you know you have to realize the Kennedys were haunted by a FAMILY CURSE. (sure. All people from medieval times believe in this. THE CURSE that has been decided by - God? The Devil? A magician?)

Vegetable

And the lobotomy led to? This! (Rosemary spent the remainder of her life in a nursing home. Kept a secret to the world. Harldy ever visited by her family. Died in 2005.)

Free at last

Who needs frontal lobes anyway? (well Walter Freeman needed his own of course. But then he was "sane.")

Walter the Ripper

What happened to her? She met this man. The virtuoso with ice-picks! (yep. Hit here and hit there just above the eyes. Wiggle a little in some brain tissue. And taraa! A person with non-functioning frontal lobes!)

Famous loonies 2

And who have we here? Who is this radiant beauty? This is JFK´s younger (and Bobby´s older) sister Rosemary. She was a loonie? Nope. That is yes. That is she was regarded as - retarded! (I adress hencefort people who are good at reading faces.) She strikes you as retarded? No. She was just a bit too - self-asserting. A character-trait one would expect in a Kennedy!

Lotus

My big brother

I feel terribly alone. (don´t know why I go on living.) But I know there is one person in this world who understands me. This guy!

Amazing beauty (my good fairy)

No this is NOT a mixture of Greta Garbo and Ingrid Bergman. But my god-mother Greta von Born! (my grand-mother´s older sister. Loved films. And opera. And playing the piano.)

Midsummer

In "A Midsummer Night´s Dream" by Shakespeare Titania falls in love with the actor Bottom. Who temporarily has a donkey´s head. (she has been given a love potion. So as to fall for anyone.) Well this is my painting of cinematographer Sven Nykvist. Actor Erland Josephson said he is like a kentaur. Half man and half camera!